A one-to-one appraisal can be quite daunting for employees, especially if this is their first job role. As a manager, you never want your employees to feel dread before any meeting, and your team want to feel as though they get something positive from it. But how do you tread that fine line that sees you staying positive, while also giving the right feedback?
Setting the right tone from the start will put your staff at ease. Whether it’s the day you set the date or the moment they walk in, be clear about how the meeting will feel. If you’re stressed and let those feelings spill into the room, your staff will sense it and assume the frustration is about them. But if you stay positive, smile, and even crack a joke, the meeting will feel relaxed from the get-go.
After you’ve set the tone, retain the honesty. You know your staff members best, and it can be useful to tailor your approach to them as individuals. Some might prefer the ‘praise sandwich’ approach, a technique that delivers constructive or critical feedback between two pieces of positive news, while others might value a more up-front talk. Understanding what works best for any individual might involve some trial and error, but by taking that first step and creating an open environment for discussion, will help you discover more about how your team operates individually.
It’s useful to begin with a simple question: how are you feeling? Or, what are you most proud of? When people feel heard, they’re more open, better engaged and far more likely to leave the meeting feeling supported.
A one-to-one shouldn’t be a download of manager feedback; it should feel like a mutual exchange.
When these meetings are one-sided, it no longer is a one-to-one, instead it’s another meeting that could have been an email. Instead, share what you’ve had on your plate too. Open up about your own development, the challenges you’re facing, or things you’re working to improve. Not only does this humanise you as a leader, but it also shares your vulnerabilities and helps to build a sense of shared accountability and growth. This is something the team at the Unique Pub Company have used with real success.
BII Ambassadors, Max Shaw FBII and Kelly Deary explain: “At Unique Inns, our one-to-ones are entirely focused on empowering our team for growth. While our main KPIs are a key part of our weekly management meetings, our one-to-ones provide a dedicated space for individual skill development.
“We encourage our team to self-rate their abilities — soft and job specific — identify their own areas for growth, and communicate the support they need to achieve their goals. This approach fosters a culture of continuous learning and ensures all our team members, both salaried and casual, feel supported in their development.”
After a thoughtful conversation, it’s easy to let a one-to-one end with a vague “keep up the good work” or “we’ll touch base again soon”. But real value comes from setting clear takeaways. This isn’t about giving homework but agreeing on a next step together. For instance, this could be working on a skill, following up on a challenge, or organising some training. When team members leave knowing what to focus on and knowing that you’ll check in later, the meeting feels more meaningful.
Making sure one-to-ones happen frequently is also important. Whether that be monthly or bi-monthly, depending on your operations, it’s good to keep in touch with your team. Normalise regular check-ins — these don’t need to be formal sit-downs, but a quick five-minute chat over coffee, or at the end of a shift help build consistency. When these moments become a regular part of how you work, the formal one-to-ones feel like natural check-ins and support, building trust as well as accountability.
Helping your team feel good about one-to-ones doesn’t mean avoiding tough conversations. It means delivering them in a way that encourages progress rather than delivering criticism. Set the tone, be honest, listen to your staff and stay consistent. When you get that right, one-to-ones become one of your most powerful tools for performance, connection, motivation and long-term development.
